Redneck Census Form!
The official year 2014 Redneck Census Form:
Last name:_______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________
Age:____ (if unsure,guess) Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)Preacher
Spouse'sName:_____________2nd Spouse's Name:_______________3rd Spouse's Name:_______________Lover'sName:_______________
Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)Pet
Number of children living in the home:_____Number of the children living in the shed:_____Number that are yours:_____
Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
(Check appropriate box)Total number of vehicles you own:___Number of vehicles that still crank:___Number of vehicles in front yard:___Number of vehicles in the back yard:___Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___
Firearms you own and where you keep them:____truck____bedroom____bathroom____kitchen____shed
Model and year of your pickup:196_Do you have a gun rack?(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:(_)The National Enquirer(_)The Globe(_)TV Guide(_)Soap Opera Digest(_)Rifle and Shotgun
Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____
How often do you bathe?(_)Weekly(_)Monthly(_)Not Applicable
Color of eyes: Left_____ Right_____
Color of hair:(_)Blond(_)Black(_)Red(_)Brown(_)White(_)Clairol
Color of teeth:(_)White(_)Yellow(_)BrownishYellow(_)Brown(_)Black(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)just a whoop-and-a-holler(_)road?
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
You might be a redneck if you light a match in the bathroom, and your house explodes right off its wheels.
A girl comes home from school and tells her grandma that a boy at has asked her out for a date. This being her first date, her grandma gives her some rules. "If he tries to come near you or hug you, its fine. If he tries to kiss you, well thats fine too. But if he tries to lay you down and get on top of you, just push him and get out of there." The innocent girl was confused and asked, "Why grandma?" Grandma replied, "Because then he will disgrace our family." The girl having learned the lesson goes on her date. When she returns, her grandma asked her what happened. She replied, "Everything went well. First he hugged me, then kissed me. But then he tried to lay me down. So instead I got on top of him and disgraced his family."
A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad.
"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you reckon so?" he asked.
"Why, that's because your from Kentucky son." The dad responsed.
The next day the kid gets home from school.
"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you reckon so?"
"That's because you're from Kentucky son." The dad tells him again.
The next day the kid busts through the door.
"Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?"
The dad looks at him and says, "No that's because you're 22."