I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But all it did was change the color of the baby.
Q: Why do so many black people move to Detroit?
A: Because they heard there were no jobs there.
Rex the Dog
A cowboy, his horse and dog are captured by hostile Indians. The dog's fate is somewhat tenuous but it's certain that the cowboy will be executed at sunrise. That evening the Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can have one last wish before meeting his ultimate fate in the morning. The cowboy asks to see his faithful dog, Rex. The cowboy strokes and pets his companion and whispers something into his ear. At once the dog bounds and runs through the Indian village and over the hill. At about 8 o'clock that evening the dog returns accompanied by some two dozen hookers from the closest town. The braves were delighted and as the orgy wore on through the night, the chief told the cowboy that his execution was being postponed as they were all too tired from partying. The next day, the chief said to the cowboy, "in gratitude for furnishing the ladies last night, I'm going to grant you another request before you're executed." Again the cowboy requests to see his faithful dog. The cowboy again strokes and pets his companion and whispers into his ear, "this may be my last chance Rex, so please get it right this time --- go to town and get the posse!"
St. Patrick's Day
Q: What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
A: On St. Patrick's Day everyone wishes they were Irish.
Ebonics Second Language
A friend of mine has an 18 year old son named Leroy. He attends Oakland High School where they teach ebonics as a second language. Last week he was given an easy homework assignment; all he had to do was put each of the following words into a sentence.
- Rectum: I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady rectum both.
- Hotel: I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the hotel everybody!
- Odyssey: I told my bro, you odyssey the jugs on this hoe.
- Stain: My mother-in-law axed me if I was stain for dinner again.
- Seldom: My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game so I seldom.
- Penis: I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis!
- Catacomb: Don King was at the fight the other night, man, somebody give that catacomb.
- Forclose: If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money forclose.
- Undermind: There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment undermine.
- Tripoli: I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't fine no tripoli.
- Disappointment: My parole officer told me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the big house.
- Income: I just got in bed wit dee hoe then income my wife
- Honor: At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be honor first?
- Fortify: I axed da hoe how much, and she says "Fortify".
- Israel: Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said "man, that looks fake!" He said "No! Israel!"
Needless to say Leroy got an A.