Partial Dosage

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said  "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces." The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good." The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

A Wise Man

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said... "Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"

Pet Cemetery

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains.  As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy."  The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common!"