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The best jokes and joke writers!

Understanding Your Paycheck

Gross pay: $1222.02

Income Tax - $244.40

Outgo Tax - $45.21

State Tax - $61.10

Interstate Tax - $5.89

County Tax - $6.11

City Tax - $12.22

Rual Tax - $4.44

Back Tax - $1.11

Front Tax - $1.16

Side tax - $1.61

Up Tax - $2.22

Down Tax - $1.11

Knickknack Tax - $1.98

Hackensack Tax - $3.93

Thumb Tax - $0.98

Carpet Tax - $0.69

Snack Tax - $8.32

Surtax - $3.46

Ma'am Tax - $3.46

Parking Fee - $5.00

No Parking Fee - $10.00

F.I.C.A. - $81.88

T.G.I.F - $9.95

Life Ins. - $5.85

Health Ins. - $16.23

Disability Ins. - $2.50

Ability Ins. - $0.25

Liability Ins. - $3.41

Dental Ins.  - $4.50

Mental Ins. - $4.33

Fundamental Ins. - $0.11

Coffee  - $6.85

Coffee Cups - $66.51

Calendar Rental - $3.06

Floor Rental - $16.85

Chair Rental - $4.32

Desk Rental - $4.32

Union Dues - $5.85

Union Don'ts - $0.77

Cash Advances - $0.69

Cash Retreats - $121.35

Overtime - $1.26

Undertime - $54.83

Eastern Time - $9.00

Central Time - $8.00

Mountain Time - $7.00

Pacific Time - $6.00

Daylight Savings Time - $4.44

Time Out - $12.21

Oxygen - $10.22

Water - $16.54

Electricity - $38.23

Heat - $51.42

Air Conditioning - $46.83

Misc. - $169.24

Total Take Home Pay = $0000.02

This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from.

Toothpick From the Bar

One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door. Again, there stands another bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door. This time, there's a bum asking for a straw. The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there. The bum replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."

Blonde Robbery

A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet." The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun." The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet. The man used the gun to steal his wallet back.The blonde said, "You're an idiot, there's no bullets in the gun." The man replied, "You're the idiot, there's no money in the wallet."

Bums' Roadkill Meals

There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."

Republicans Vs Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.