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The best jokes and joke writers!

Republicans Vs Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.

Yo Mama - Address

Yo mama so poor, every time the wind blows, her address changes.

Yo Mama - Your Birthday

Yo mama is so poor, she dumpster dives for your birthday presents.

You Might Be A Redneck If - 17

You might be a redneck if...

  • You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.
  • The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.
  • Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
  • You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
  • You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
  • When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
  • Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
  • You own more than two clappers.
  • You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
  • You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents. 

Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

  1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
  2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
  3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
  4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
  5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
  6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
  7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
  8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
  9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
  10. "I'm looking for beer money"