Sure Sign That You're Broke
- American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
- Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
- You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
- You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.
- Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
- You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
- You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
- You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
- You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
- Your bologna has no first name.
- You give blood everyday...just for the orange juice.
- Sally Struthers sends you food.
- McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
- At communion you go back for seconds.
Yo Mama - Haircut
Yo mama so poor, she joined the Army to get a haircut.
Shorts in the Shower
Q: Why do priests wear shorts in the shower?
A: They don't like to look down on the unemployed.
Yo Mama - Cigarette
Yo mama so poor when I went into her house and stepped on a cigarette, she said, "Who turned off the heater?"
Bums' Dirty Pants
Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you shit your pants?'' ''Hell no,'' Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. ''Did you shit your pants, Jeff?'' ''I swear to the God almighty I did not shit my pants,'' Jeff said.
So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, ''I thought you said you didn't shit your pants?!'' ''I didn't.'' Jeff said. ''They're your pants.''