Math & Science Jokes

Q: Why is sex like math?

A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying!

A little boy is doing his homework. He says to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine.” His mother hears this and gasps, “What are you saying?” The little boy answers, “I’m doing my homework. This is how my teacher taught me to do it.” Infuriated, the mother confronts the teacher the next day. “What are you teaching my son in arithmetic? He’s been saying two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?” The teacher replies, “Oh dear. What I taught them was, two plus two ‘the sum of which’ is four!”

Q: What did the police say after 4, 6, 8 and 9 were killed?

A: We believe 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are prime suspects.

Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans. The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water. Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak. "Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun." This, of course was met with much ridicule. They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat. "Simple, we're going at night!"

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?" "I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" His father asks, "What's the fucking difference?" Johnny says, "That's exactly what I said!"