Geriatric Lovemaking

You know your grandparents are doing it when...

1. A pair of edible Depends is found on bedroom floor.
2. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
3. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn".
4. Granny is found cuffed to her walker.
5. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
6. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice.
7. Your "Grandma" is Anna Nicole Smith.
8. You've just seen the photos in the "Beaver Hunt" section of the May issue of Hustler.
9. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.
10. Their Craftmatic adjustable bed is set for "doggy style".

Cannibals Distaste

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

Spelling Test Mistakes

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a son in third grade. Part of his daily homework is to practice his spelling for his weekly tests. So, together, Donna and her son go over the words for the test, both meaning and spelling of the words. A few weeks ago, her son brought home his test. He scored 97%, missing only one word. The word was "clock." Part of the test was to use each spelling list word in a sentence. His sentence? "My dad gave my mom a clock for her birthday" -- only it seems he'd accidentally omitted the letter "L." Donna said there was no comment on the test, just the biggest check mark she had ever seen.