Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the Act.
Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, "Oh boy! Horsie ride! Daddy can I ride on your back?" Daddy was relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, he agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually gets bucked off!"
Televsion 800 Number
We were watching this commercial on television. Commercial said, 'If you're having problems with your mama whipping you, call this 800 number.' I called that number. My mama answered the phone.
Doesn't It Annoy You When...
Doesn't it annoy you when
- ...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
- ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
- ...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
- ...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
- ...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
- ...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
- ...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
- ...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
- ...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
- ...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
- ...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
- ...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
- ...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
- ...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
- ...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
- ...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a money making organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.