Q: Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up?
A: Because they wear their belts on their hats!
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. The day after Thanksgiving the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
A young boy after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father's lap and said, "Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?" "That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard!" replied his daddy as he ducked.