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The best jokes and joke writers!

Top 10 Halloween

Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty

10. She's a goblin!

9. I'd like to get a little something sweet in the sack.

8. Let me see your bag....wow! You're having a great night!

7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.

6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch

5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.

4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.

3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth

2. You scared me stiff!

1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

Bed Sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode wasn't real and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'

The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.'

Hot Dates

Two blondes were discussing last-minute sexy costume ideas. Both had on little black dresses and stilettos but were looking for a creative accessory to spice up their outfits. With limited time and options, the blondes cooked some eggs and put them on hats to be "so hot you can fry an egg on us". A few hours later at the party the blondes are getting a lot of attention. A guy says to his buddies, "hey look! Eggs over easy!"

Ghost Costume

Q: What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?

A: White pillowcases.

Fang Fix

Q: What does a vampire fear most?

A: Tooth decay.