Walking home after a blowout Halloween party, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the boos.
Drunks in a Cemetary
A drunk staggered into a cemetery on Halloween night and fell into a freshly dug grave. Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here," said the one in the grave, "I'm cold." The other one looked over the edge and said, "No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you."
A man was walking home alone late on Halloween night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him ... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ... faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on the heals of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything ... but all he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the coughdrops at the coffin ...
... and of course ...
... the coffin stops!
Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A: A fur coat that fangs around your neck.