Santa's Gas Mileage

Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Angry Witch

Q:Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Paddy's Roses

A romantic Irishman named Paddy picked up a dozen valentines day roses for his girlfriend. He made a surprise visit to her house and rang her bell. When she opened the door and saw Paddy with the roses she smiled and gave Paddy a big kiss. Then she pulled Paddy into her apartment, seductively got undressed, sat on the couch and spread her legs wide. She said, Paddy, this is for the roses. Paddy said, Don't be silly, you must have a vase somewhere.