Elephant Clues

Q: What did the elephant say to the famous detective?
A: It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock!

Monkey Love

A very horny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have sex with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away. One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her. She says, "I'll do anything to repay you." The man says, "Can you help me catch that damn monkey?"

Bumper Sticker Lines

• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
• Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Adults are just kids who owe money.
• Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
• You! Off my planet! 
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?