Indian Om Tone

(Strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.

Old Enough For Cursing

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. So they plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-old says he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS. Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. When their mother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll have some Fruit Loops." Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on his chair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-old and says, "What are you going to have?" He replies, "I don't know, but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops."

Ladies Man

The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies? man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned. "Actually, sir," she pointed out, "for the first 45 years of it, I wasn't even born yet."