What Is This Place?

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand." The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

What Not To Say At A Funeral

What Not To Say At A Funeral

• I'm not convinced. I'm going to go give her a good shaking?
• I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
• It's funny, we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.
• You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed

Vaseline

My girlfriend used Vaseline on a hand job today.
I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.