A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a money making organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
A little boy asks his dad "Where does poo come from?" His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.
"Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?" The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law."
Dad: Son, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Son: I want to be a pizza delivery boy or a plumber.
Dad: Stop watching porn son.
Brains In The Family
A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his brain from me." The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with me!"