We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Farmer's Boys

A farmer had three sons. One day his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating from high school, he would really like to get a car. His father said, "Son, come here." He took him to the barn and pointed to the tractor and said, "This tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car." The boy was not too happy, but was understanding. A week later, his second son approached him wanting a motorcycle. "Well", the father said, "as soon as the tractor is paid for we'll see about getting you your scooter. "Shortly after, his youngest was bugging him for a bike. Again, the father gave him the lecture about the tractor needing to be paid off first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, a little disgusted with his father's explanation, saw the farm rooster doing it's rooster duty with one of the hens. He promptly went over and kicked the rooster off the hen's back, mumbling to himself. His dad asked, "Son, now why would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to deserve that." The third son replied, "Hey, nobody around here rides anything until that tractor gets paid off!"

Jumping Turtle

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top then jumps into the air waving his front legs until he lands on the ground with a hard knock on his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.The little turtle insisted again and again, jumping and hitting the ground with a thud. A couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch watched the turtle with sympathy. After several jumps, the female bird said to the male, "Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."

Daddy Going to War

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred during the war.

During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy." 

Perfect

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom. He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect penis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates.
''What's that?'' asked Jenny.
''Well,'' said Johnny, ''if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect penis.'''

Secret Magazines

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."