We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Put Something In It

Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

Father's Professions

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher decided to get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living. The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman." The next little boy said: "I'm Andy and my dad is a mechanic." Then another little boy said: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men." The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approached Jimmy privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar. The kid blushed and said, "I'm sorry, but my dad is an auditor for Arthur Andersen and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

Barber Shop

A dad was taking his daughter with him to the barbers and she asked what she was going to do while they were there. Her dad stopped and got her a bug juice and a Twinkie to keep her busy. When it was time for the dad to receive his hair cut his daughter followed along and stood by her dad. The barber told the little girl to go sit down because she might get hair on her twinkie. The little girl responded, "I know, and I'm going to get boobs too"

Missy in Heat

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take Missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that Missy was in heat. Angela asked,  "What is heat?" Mom said, "Go ask your Dad, he's outside working on the car." Angela goes outside and ask her Dad the same question. Dad says, "Go get the leash and bring her here." She goes and gets Missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swipes her bottom with it.  "Now you can take her around the block one time." Angela goes down the street and comes back with the leash and no Missy. Dad says "Where is Missy?"  Angela said,  "Missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street."

The Best Memory.

Three guys are debating who has the best memory. First guy says, "I can remember the first day of my First Grade class." Second guy says, "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!" Not to be outdone, the third guy says, "Hell, that's nothing... I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother!"