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The best jokes and joke writers!

Dogs And Cats

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom. "What's a bitch and a pussy?" "Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat." The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad. "What's a bitch and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy. "Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bitch!"

Dirty Man

Q: What do you call a dirty old man who lives in a box?

A: Your dad!

Dads in a Bar

Two dads walk into a bar...

One turns to the other and says, "that hurt."

Your Father is Drunk

To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why, Daddy's home and I think he's drunk. He's walkin' real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don't even think he's shaved in two weeks, Daddy's home and boy is he drunk, He spent most of our money on Johnny Walker Black And then he took all of the rest and lost it at the track. Sooooooo.... You better not pout, you better not cry, I don't like that look in his eye, Daddy's home and I think he's... Daddy's home and boy is he... Daddy's home and he's really drunk!

Great Singer

From Reader's Digest, June 1992: I grew up in a non-musical family; only one of our five siblings can even carry a tune. So, I've restricted my singing to private places like the bathtub or the car. But one night, I softly sang a lullaby to my nine-month-old baby. After the first verse, he sweetly looked into my eyes, removed the pacifier from his mouth and placed it in mine.