Jokes about Families - Father Jokes

Q: What do you call a dirty old man who lives in a box?

A: Your dad!

Two dads walk into a bar...

One turns to the other and says, "that hurt."

To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why, Daddy's home and I think he's drunk. He's walkin' real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don't even think he's shaved in two weeks, Daddy's home and boy is he drunk, He spent most of our money on Johnny Walker Black And then he took all of the rest and lost it at the track. Sooooooo.... You better not pout, you better not cry, I don't like that look in his eye, Daddy's home and I think he's... Daddy's home and boy is he... Daddy's home and he's really drunk!

From Reader's Digest, June 1992: I grew up in a non-musical family; only one of our five siblings can even carry a tune. So, I've restricted my singing to private places like the bathtub or the car. But one night, I softly sang a lullaby to my nine-month-old baby. After the first verse, he sweetly looked into my eyes, removed the pacifier from his mouth and placed it in mine.

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.

Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.

Homer: Why you little -- !