When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive.
I'm so lucky my older brother told me about it!
A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?"
"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"
Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"
The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"
Keep It In The Family
Q: How can you tell if a redneck's daughter is on the rag?
A: Her brother's dick is red.
Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. "Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms really really hard." So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below. Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the hell happened?!?" Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him."
The Cost of a Rented Tux
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."