Dark Humor Jokes - Suicide Jokes

Q: Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?

A: Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails.

A man recently had his arm amputated and decided to kill himself by jumping off a building. When he was ready to jump, he saw a man with both arms amputated dancing around. He decided to find out why he was so happy. The man told him, “I’m not dancing. My ass is itching and I can’t scratch it!”

Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?

A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a Rail-Road trestle, about to jump off. An old homeless bloke who was wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"

She screamed, "NO!  Get away, you dirty old man!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay then, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."