Beat The Casino
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.
I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a Rail-Road trestle, about to jump off. An old homeless bloke who was wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Get away, you dirty old man!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay then, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."
A guy came home one day after getting fired from work. He was so depressed that he decided to end it all and kill himself. He went to the medicine cabinet, pulled out a bottle and began to swallow a handful of Prozac pills he found there. After the first few he felt a lot better.
My sweater is on the roof.
I know I'm a tough personal trainer, but I never thought I'd drive a client to suicide.