An alcoholic is just someone who is having a medicinal drink for a terminal illness
Q: Why did the chicken commit suicide?
A: To get to the other side!
Flea In The Ear
Q: What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?
A: Shot it!
A man recently had his arm amputated and decided to kill himself by jumping off a building. When he was ready to jump, he saw a man with both arms amputated dancing around. He decided to find out why he was so happy. The man told him, “I’m not dancing. My ass is itching and I can’t scratch it!”
Beat The Casino
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.