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The best jokes and joke writers!

OJ Simpson in West Virginia?

Q: Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

A: Everyone has the same DNA.

End Abuse

Q: How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?

A: Put her in a Patriots jersey

Women's T-Shirt Sayings

  • I'm out of estrogen. I have a gun.
  • Guys have feelings, too. But like... who cares?
  • I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  • Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
  • I hate everybody, and you're next.
  • Please don't make me kill you.
  • And your point is ...
  • I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
  • I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
  • Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
  • Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
  • You KNOW you want me. 
  • Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
  • Of course I don't look busy. . . I did it right the first time.
  • Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
  • I'm multitalented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
  • Do NOT start with me. You won't win.
  • You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
  • All stressed out and no one to choke.
  • I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
  • How can I miss you if you won't go away?
  • Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
  • If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
  • Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.
  • Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
  • Objects Under This Shirt ARE Larger Than They Appear.

Cheating Signs

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

Salesman and Hit Man Playing Golf

Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" " I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." " You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" " The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." " I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." " I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"