Simple Answer

In one Intensive Care Unit patients always died in the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled the medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had their camera phones set to video the event. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened , then housekeeping came in, disconnected the power cord from life support and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

Paddy the Puddy Cat Sitter

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.
"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"
"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time."  
So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida.  However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy.
"Everything's ok over here" Paddy said.  "Except you're cat. It's dead!"
"Oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy!"
"What do you mean?" replied Paddy. "Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree.  The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down.  On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg.  Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic," explained O'Leary.
So paddy apologized and another week went by.  One day O'Leary got another phone call.  It was Paddy again.  "All right O'Leary," he said. "Everything's ok here, except your ma -She's climbed the tree and refuses to come down!"

Man On Bridge

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well ... are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist." "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God." "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.