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The best jokes and joke writers!

Kimmel Halloween

During his Halloween special, Jimmy Kimmel was asking the audience questions about ghosts. "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" Five people raise their hand. Then he asked, "Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?" Three people raise their hand. Then he asked "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?"  One person, an old man raises his hand. So he goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" The old man replied, "Oh, it was great! Never had anything like it before!" Jimmy replied, "Really? So the ghost was good?" The old man said, "GHOST? I thought you said GOAT!"

Hungry Zombie

Q: Why did the zombie want to eat Meghan Trainor

A: Because every inch of her was perfect from the bottom to the top.

Elsa

Q: Why shouldn't you let Elsa hold your balloon?

A: Because she will let it go, let it gooooooooo

Thank You..Thank You Very Much!

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?" Father looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis." The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it." The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see you!" "Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!" So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. "Oh my God! Oh my God! It's you!" screams the hotel clerk. "You're back Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back! "Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you... Thank you very much!"

Rosie O'Donnell Arrested

Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested?

A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack.