Pop Culture / Celebrity Jokes
Shark Week - Atheist
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!" In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?" Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?" The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again. As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Han Solo and Chewbacca
Q: What is the difference between Han Solo and Chewbacca?
A: One's a hairy and inaudible man and the other one's Chewbacca.
Waking Lady Gaga
Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A: Poke'r Face.
Returning from his emergency meeting with the Oscar nominations, Al Sharpton stopped at his local Sears store to purchase a new washing machine. As he looked at the display models he realized that nearly all of them were white. He began to complain and the clerk called the store manager. "What's the problem here, Reverend?" Sharpton pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white.
The manager replied, "Well Reverend, it's true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see that all the agitators are black."
MJ at Walmart
Q: Why did Michael Jackson run to Walmart?
A: Boys pants were half off.