Pop Culture / Celebrity Jokes
Chuck Norris' Enemies
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Five kids just trick or treated at my door in the scariest most lifelike costumes I've ever seen. My heart is still pounding and I'm soaked in sweat. I just know I'll be having nightmares about this for years.
For a second I thought it was the real One Direction at my door.
Shark Week - Atheist
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!" In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?" Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?" The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again. As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Han Solo and Chewbacca
Q: What is the difference between Han Solo and Chewbacca?
A: One's a hairy and inaudible man and the other one's Chewbacca.
Elle McPherson, Cindy Crawford, and Naomi Campbell are going by air to a photo shoot. Halfway through the flight the plane had engine trouble, the pilot warned the girls to assume the crash position, just in case they went down. Elle put on more make-up saying, "They always rescued the beautiful ones first.' Cindy donned her jewelery claiming, "They would rescue the richest one first," upon which Naomi, threw off all her clothes, pressing herself against the window saying, "You're both wrong, the first thing they look for is the Black Box"!