Bar Jokes

Ostrich & Pussy Cat

A man walked into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat.
He walked up the the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whiskey for the cat."
They found a table, sat down and drank their drinks. After they finished their drinks, it was the ostrich's turn to buy a round.
The ostrich walked up to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the man, whiskey for the cat."
He took the drinks back to the table and they drank them. When it was the cat's turn to buy, he told them "Fuck off!"
So the man went back to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich and whiskey for the cat."
The Barman was curious about this and said "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round, but the cat hasn't. Why is this?".
The man replied, "I helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish."
"What did you wish for?" asked the Barman.
"I wished for a long legged bird with a tight pussy!"

Categories: Bar Jokes (Animal in Bar Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Animal Jokes (Bird Jokes) , Animal Jokes (Cat Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Hot Babe In The Bar

A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on the beach'. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature. "Hi big guy," she says, batting her eyelashes. "Oh hello, beautiful," he says stepping closer to her.
"I couldn't help but notice what big feet you have," as a look of wonderment spreads across her face. "You know what that means..." he coos. "Yes, trouble for the ants," she says.

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Bar Jokes (Introduction Jokes) , Pickup Lines (Girl to Guy) , Pickup Lines (Guy to Girl)
Anonymous

Drinking Buddies

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish- style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?" "I'm from Ireland." "Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin." "Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where in Dublin are you from?" "The East Side." "The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where on the East Side are you from?" "McDonagh Street." "Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that." As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?" "Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender, "it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

Categories: Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous