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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Painter's Eyesight

A world famous painter started losing her eyesight in the prime of her career. After several surgeries and weeks of therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter decided to show her gratitude to her surgeon by painting a mural with pairs of eyes in every shade and shape in his office. When she finished, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art. One reporter asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office?" "Thank God I'm not a gynecologist."

Phone a Friend

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?" Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!" Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"

Female Opera Singer

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.

A: She was known as the deep C diva.

Guitar and Tuna

Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?

A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

Name That Tune

A man faced with death will have his life spared if he can explain the song being visually represented by a flock of naked women.

The man is led to an empty concert hall where 8 naked women are being led in.

They were placed so that the first one was facing him, the second with her back to him, the third facing him, the fourth with her back to him, the fifth facing him, and the last three with their backs to him.

"Guess that song!" his oppressor demanded.

"Ah, that one's easy!," he exclaimed, triumphantly. "It's William Tell Overture... titty rump titty rump titty rump rump rump."