The Hunting Dog

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!" Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too." So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!" The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg. The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

Perfect Customer

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Telling the Difference

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours." The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing." "Okay, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing." "There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"