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The best jokes and joke writers!

Either Way...

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back!"

Rottweiler vs. Poodle

Q. What's the difference between a rottweiler and a poodle?

A. If a rottweiler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

How Dogs and Women are Alike

  • Both look stupid in hats.
  • Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
  • Both tend to have "hip" problems.
  • Neither understand football.
  • Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
  • Neither believe that silence is golden.
  • Both constantly want back rubs.
  • Neither can balance a checkbook.
  • You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
  • Both put too much value on kissing.

    How women are better than dogs:
  • It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
  • Women look good in sweaters.

Why Firemen have Dogs

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

K9 Cowboy Riddles

Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?

A: "Well, doggone!"