A Babtist and a Catholic Preacher
A Baptist preacher and a Catholic priest are driving out on a road. The Catholic priest sees a cat in the middle of the road, and slams on his brakes. The cat is avoided, but the Baptist preacher hits the back of the Catholic priest. They step out of their cars, and begin talking. "Oh, I am so sorry, that was my fault," says the Baptist preacher. While waiting for the cops after they called by cell phone, the preachers soon start talking about their professions to pass the time. "You know, I never understood why Catholic priests don't drink wine to represent Christ's blood." The Catholic priest responds, "Well, we believe that drinking wine is wrong, and just use grape juice instead." "I have a bottle of wine in my glove compartment right now. Tell you what, let's drink a little right now while waiting for the cops." "Oh, no I couldn't, replies the Catholic, but after pressuring him, the Catholic priest soon agrees. The Baptist preacher takes out the wine and a couple of Dixie cups, and pours a little into each. The Catholic priest drinks it down quickly. "That wasn't that bad, you're right," the Catholic priest says. Noticing the baptist hasn't drank his wine, he asks, "Aren't you going to have some?" "Oh sure," the other replies, "I'll wait until after the cops come though."
Be extra careful on the roads with Thanksgiving & Christmas around the corner.
A lot of men will be drinking and getting their wives to drive.
Have a Drink
Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt. It's impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone. They'll be there in 20 minutes. It's cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink?" the doctor asked. "AFTER the police get here," replies the lawyer.
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"
Q: What's the difference between a sexy dress and a bottle of Whiskey?
A: A sexy dress can make one girl look hot, a bottle of whiskey can make all girls look hot.