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The best jokes and joke writers!

Lost Far From Home

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris," said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."

Shots Fired

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene.  After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor,  they called their sergeant for advice on his cell phone. 
  
 "Hello Sarge.”      "Yes.” 

 "It looks like we have a homicide here. “

 "What happened?”

 "A woman shot her husband for walking on the wet floor she had just mopped.” 

 "Have you placed her under arrest?”

 "No sir.  The floor is still wet."

Wrong Way

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over.

"Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.

"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the Indians!"

Police Food Groups

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

  1. Glazed
  2. Jelly
  3. Powdered
  4. Chocolate Frosted

Daughter in College

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"