American Beer

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, American beer." he replies quite bemused. "Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers...you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor. "Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

Nail File

Patient asks, "Doctor, should I file my nails?"
Doctor replies, "No! Throw them away like everybody else."

New Antibiotic

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic.
"What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies.
"Well, what's so miraculous about it?"
"One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"