New Antibiotic

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic.
"What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies.
"Well, what's so miraculous about it?"
"One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"

24 Hours to Live.

After dozens of very expensive tests and weeks of hospitalization, the rich old man was told he had only 24 hours to live. He immediately called his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He asked the doctor to stand by one side of his bed and his lawyer to stand by the other. After standing for some time, the doctor asked  "What do you want me to do?" "Nothing.  Just stand there." A while later, the lawyer asked  "What do you want me to do?" "Nothing. Just stand there." As the hours wore on, the doctor and the lawyer watched the man weaken. When his time had almost arrived, the doctor and the lawyer again asked "Why are we standing here?" "Well," said the old man, "Christ died between two thieves, so I thought I'd do the same!

You're Fired

As a surgeon, the most stressful jobs are circumcisions
You're constantly facing the sack