We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Doctor on Hold

Q: Why don't some doctors like being on hold?

A: They don't have a lot of patients.

Honesty is the best policy

A very, very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are talking over lunch and the topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation. The Doctor finally says "I have to be honest, I didn't place ALL of the money into his coffin, I kept five million". Then the CEO states "Well, I have to admit that I too kept some of the cash. Ten million to be exact". The Lawyer glares at the two and says, "I am ashamed of you two, I wrote a check for the full amount!"

Funeral Story

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?" "I'm a gynecologist."

Doctor's Notes

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered; "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Where's My Cookie

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined at the next visit, the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie up his ass. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!