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The best jokes and joke writers!

Funeral Story

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?" "I'm a gynecologist."

Old Rules

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.

Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ? Dr. Geezer:  "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that's Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so --  " Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story  --  Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "

MCAT Question

When I was young, I wanted to be a doctor so I took the MCAT exam for Medical School. One of the questions asked us to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today.  The rest of us are sending jokes via email.

The Doctor Backs Away

Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?

Taking Temperature

This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment. "This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said, "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy." 
"We'll see," the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach. The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her. The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.
"Doctor, what are you doing?!?" he asked. Flustered, the therapist replied,
"Oh, it's you! I'm only taking your wife's temperature!" The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve.
"Well, doc," he said, "when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"