Profession Jokes - Other Doctor Jokes

A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. The man replies, "I'm alright, but I didn't like the four letter word the doctor used in surgery." The nurse asked, "What did he say?" "OOPS!"

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: "Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news."

Man: "Well, give me the really bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, and only 6 months to live."

Man: "And the bad news?"

Doctor: "You have Alzheimer's disease."

Man: "That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!"

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

A group of doctors were at a convention in Switzerland. The topic of discussion was the new medical technology from their countries. "In my country," a German doctor said, "medicine is so advanced, we can perform heart surgery on a person on Monday, and have him back to work in 2 weeks." "That's nothing," a Japanese doctor said. "We can perform an appendectomy on a person on Tuesday, and have him back in work by Saturday."
"That's nothing!" said an American doctor. "We can take an asshole from Arkansas, put him in the White House and half the country is out of work the next day!"

A worried father telephones his doctor who is a close family friend and tells him that his teenage son has come down with a venereal disease. “He thinks he caught it from the maid,” says the father. “Don’t worry too much,” says the doctor. “These things happen.” “I know,” says the father. “But I’ve been sleeping with the maid too. And now I seem to have the same symptoms.” “That’s unfortunate,” says the doctor. “But try not to get distressed.” “That’s not all,” says the man. “I think I’ve passed it to my wife.” “Christ Almighty!” shouts the doctor. “That means we all have it!”