Profession Jokes - Other Doctor Jokes

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, I'm getting married and I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions." He says, "All right." She says, "All right... what is that thing that hangs between my fiancé's legs?" The doctor says, "That's the penis. The male organ, the penis." She says, "Okay. And what is that big red knob at the end?" The doctor says, "That's the glans. The head of the penis, the glans." She says, "Okay. And what are those two round things, about twelve inches behind the head?" The doctor says, "Well, lady, I don't know about your fiancé, but on me, they're the cheeks of my ass."

Doctor: Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg 

A lady visits her therapist. "I think my husband is a son of a bitch." The therapist asks why she thinks that. She replies, "Well, he kisses me." The therapist kisses her and says, "I kissed you, and I'm not a son of a bitch." She replies, "Yes, but he feels me up." The therapist proceeds to feel her up. He returns to his seat and says, "I felt you up, and I'm not a son of a bitch." The lady replies, "But he -- you know -- has sex with me." So the therapist goes over and has sex with her. After they're finished, the therapist says, "See, I just had sex with you, and I'm not a son of a bitch." The lady says, "Yes, but my husband has AIDS." The therapist says, "SON OF A BITCH."

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died!