Profession Jokes - Judge Jokes

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other." "Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Your Honor.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant. "That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened."

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.

The witness: They were fucking your honor

The judge:  Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:

The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear until tiny sounds came to my ear. There was this couple on the ground there and his balls were dangling in the air and you know his what was in her you know where.  If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there.