Profession Jokes - Judge Jokes

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.

The witness: They were fucking your honor

The judge:  Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:

The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear until tiny sounds came to my ear. There was this couple on the ground there and his balls were dangling in the air and you know his what was in her you know where.  If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there.

The judge handed the accused a piece of paper and asked him to read what was written on it, You should have seen the trouble he had saying "The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"

He's always handing out tough sentences.

Taylor was desperate for business,and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.  The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.  When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied,  "You asked me to give him good advice.  I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split."

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."