Cross-eyed Cow Fix

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow. "What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified. "Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."

Ten Business One Liners

• The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
• The longer the title the less important the job.
• The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
• The meek shall inherit the earth, but only after we're done with it.
• The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it's mineral rights.
• The moment for calm and rational discussion is past; now is the time for senseless bickering.
• The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
• The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets.
• The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher probability of its success.
• The more things change, the more they stay insane.

Definition of Lawyer

Q: What's the definition of lawyer?
A: The larval form of a politician.