Profession Jokes - Veterinarian Jokes
A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto the the operating table, looks down and says, "Say ahhh!" The man looks at the vet and says, "The dog can't speak. "The vet says to the man, "I was talking to YOU. The dog's dead!!"
Just Use Nair
My wife found out that our dog (a Giant Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.
He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms." *
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Giant Schnauzer."
The pharmacist said, "Well, then stay off your bicycle for at least a week.
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "lets have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes. "Hmm, not good," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down"
The owner was stunned, "Put him down just because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's heavy," says the vet.
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. "Two hundred and fifty dollars, Ma'am," he answered. "Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?" "Raise porcupines, Ma'am."
Q: What did the sign in the veterinarian's waiting room say?
A: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!