President's Answering Machine

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password. 

Light Bulb - Bureaucrats

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, we contract out for things like that.

Spotting a Lawyer

Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.  Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.  As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.  One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"  The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."  Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."  The other says, "A lawyer?  How do you know that?"  The first says, "That's easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."