Piloting your Plane

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.  The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."  Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.  The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.  Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?" "We just shut down two engines."

A Cold Winter Night

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night. He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle. Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno. When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place."

Does This Hurt

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, don't do that.