We're Rangers!

True story: A friend's mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, "Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen's ball?"  To that, he replied, "No ma'am. We're Rangers! We don't have any balls!" He continued to write down some information.  After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, "Never mind." He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off - no ticket was issued.

Idiot Chicken Farmer

An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot, "I think I'm planting them too deep."

Psychoanalysts

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy.
"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and un-bothered when it's over."
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"