Couple Buying Lottery Tickets

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband looked confused again. He asked the clerk, "What the hell do I do with these damn things?" The clerk replied, "Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything." The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered. "What?" asked the clerk. "Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for years, and he ain't won a damn thing."

Stupid Insults 19/31

• Lights not burning too bright.
• Like a barometer -- vacuum at the top.
• Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.
• Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
• Likes dunking for french fries.
• Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend / jumped the track.
• Lives in La-la-land.
• Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
• Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
• Long on dry wall, short on studs.
• Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
• Looks for the "Any" key.
• Loose chip on the microprocessor board.
• Loose wire to his headset/ringer.
• Low on thinking gas.
• Low-bandwidth as an information source.
• Lug-nuts rattling in the hubcaps.
• Made a career out of mid-life crisis.
• Mainspring's wound too tight.
• Makes a black hole look bright.
• Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good.
• Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written.
• Mental software is Version 1.0 / still in beta test.
• Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.
• Metronome needs oil.
• Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind.
• Mind like a steel sieve.
• Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled / full of mice / nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut.
• Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
• Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.

A Small Analogy

Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants. It's done on a very high level. There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved. And it takes two years to get any results.