Hygiene

Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
A: Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.

Please Come Help

The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, Mom, the baby won't eat; the washing machine is broken; I haven't been able to get out of the house to shop; I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around all day. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have some friends over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, and I'll be over in 30 minutes. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you... I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who will get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your husband, dear." "Mom, my husband is Jim." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused. "Uhhh, does this mean you're not coming over?"

Decisions

I can only afford to buy one of the two bicycles I'm looking at for my collection.
It's a Schwinn Schwinn decision.