Locked Out

Locked my keys in the car outside an abortion clinic. They weren't impressed when I went in and asked if they had a coat hanger.

18 Legs

Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.

Old Never Dies

Old football players never die, they just go to the end zone.
Old footballers never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old forsesters never die, they just pine away.
Old fridge repairmen never die, they just blow their cool.
Old frogs never die, they just croak.
Old fruit never dies, it just pear-ishes.
Old auto mechanics never die, they just retire.
Old geologists never die, they just re-crystalize.
Old ghost towns never die, they become desolate.
Old golfers never die, they just lose their drive.
Old graphic artists never die, they just de-rez.
Old gymnasts never die, they just take longer to mount.
Old hams never die, they just get grounded.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old Helsinki tourists never die, they just vanish into Finn Air.