A Dead Ringer

The Hunchback of Notre Dame croaks so they need to find a new bell-ringer. A guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it. "But you've got no arms... you can't do this job!" says the church leader. The new applicant shouts back - "Sure I can... I'll do it with my mouth!" So the church hires him and he starts his bell-ringing duties the next day. He begins ringing the bell using only his mouth, but the bell is so heavy, it tosses him out the window to the ground and splatters him dead. He's lying dead on the ground and a big crowd gathers around him. "Who is that guy?" one person says. "I don't know says another, but his face sure rings a bell..."

Stop

A lady drove a van full of a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot looking for a space. Obviously frazzled she coasted through a stop sign; "Hey lady have you forgotten how to stop?!" yelled an irate man she rolled down the window and said "What makes you think these are all mine?"

Dumb Questions

• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
• What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
• Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
• When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
• When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
• Where are the germs that cause ‘good’ breath?
• Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
• Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
• Why are they called "stands" when they’re made for sitting?
• Why aren’t there ever any guilty by standers?
• Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn’t the company just hire taller dancers?
• Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
• Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?
• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?